It’s
been a while since the “I” form came out of me to talk about him. Last time
when I met him it was a decade ago and a lot has changed since then.
He
was quite pleased with the way “I” was carrying “Him” now, but before the
conscious times of my life I never thought us as two separate entities, only
when I could observe him with his natural tendencies and make a judgment about
his behavior, then the realization hit.
To
introduce him here would be a tough task as there is no word in oxford dictionary
which could possibly provide a precise identity. Now here is the story of how I
met him and what I came to know about myself afterwards.
One
day bothered about my restlessness a question arose from within “Why”
Then
the next question “How did this happen with me”
And
the final one hit me the hardest “What if I end up being unhappy”
As
the Trinity suggested Neo “it’s the question which drives us”, I too was driven- Within.
To
find the source of my anxiety and unhappiness I met another problem
“Why
do I look for happiness?”
It
is the basis of our very consciousness; we exist so that we can be happy.
“What
is inside me who dictates the terms of happiness, what is the mechanism that’s
churns out a happy mood?”
Something
inside me; but what?
“Are
you looking for me?” a voice came, I was all alone within myself and there was
no possibility of anyone else being here.
“Yes
maybe, but who are you and how come you speak to me” I enquired
“Oh
that’s not tricky at all, I am nothing but your own tool to observe and feel
the world”
This
was strange and quite new for me; the eagerness grew more “You are a tool of
mine like my sense organ or something”
“Well
the sense organs are my tools, not yours. I am the one who use them to help you
understand the world”
“So
you are my brain?” I asked him assured that I have recognized him
“No,
mind is also one of my tools which process the information and stores it, like
the CPU of a computer but not the computer on its own” the voice replied
“Then
who are you to be precise” a desperate me pleaded
“Well
do you know who you are at the first place or you want me to help in
introduction” there was some sarcasm in the sound
What
could I do, I went in to know about happiness and ended up with this bugger. But the question he posted was an
important one “Who am I”. I have been inquisitive about it since long and today
this voice is offering me to introduce, not a bid to decline
“Oh
yes please do let me know who I am, will be very pleased to know” I said
“OK
so here it is, imagine yourself being void of senses” the voice instructed and a
desperate me to know about myself followed. The imaginative applications made
me believe that I have no sense of touch, no sight, could neither hear nor
taste anything.
“Now
flush out all the emotions out of your system” the voice instructed again
And
I again made all feelings go away, I was not powerful or week, there was no joy
or sadness; I was neither scared nor peaceful.
A mind feeding on emotions was vacant.
“Now
tell me” the voice asked “What do you need”
There
was no desire or fear inside hence there was no want as well.
“Nothing”
I replied
“This
is you, a pure entity which is nothing but content with just being what is”
My
mind went contemplative, is this that simple?
“And
this is when I come into the picture” the voice said “the pure form need to
observe the world to stay in it. To survive it needs a sense of surroundings
and a mind to process it- thus you got a Body”
So this body is not what I am.
I
was listening
“Body
gives you the senses but you are an independent entity, as a soul you cannot
control the body on your own hence you need a medium to connect with body and the
world: that’s me” he said.
“But
I can look and feel the world with the help of my body and sense organs, why do
I need you?” I asked
“Ok
so let me ask you this, a car is driven by its engine or its fuel?”
What
kind of question was this but I had to respond “A car is driven when a fuel
burns and engine uses its power”
“So
you are saying that an Engine needs fuel to run the car, and without it
cannot?” he asked again.
“Yes
I agree”
“Similarly
you in spite of having a body cannot run it
without me, I am the subtle you who drives you often” he explained
“You
drive me, how is that possible as you are supposed to be my tool” I asked
Imagine
you have a servant and both of you indulge in doping, he helps you getting it
and you depend completely on him. In this scenario would be able to have
command on him?
No
was an honest reply, I went further in thinking, if this is true then my
desires and habits makes me weak and him stronger, this way I lose control on
him and he feeds on me!
“But
what is your nature and how do you survive?” perhaps I wanted to know him
better to have a superior control.
He
continued “I constantly look for some engagement and could end up doing
something unwarranted if not provided with clean options, and you have to
provide me with it”
“I
didn’t understand”
“See
whatever you eat – drink – listen or see gives me shape, example if you feed me
with pure properly fresh cooked food then I desire it only but on the contrary
if you feed me with alcohol and rotten food then I desire that. In both the
cases if you let me lose and just watch over- you will find two different set
of behavior, which will directly impact you. “
So
to be happy he must be in control, for him to be in control I should feed him
with proper Food, Thoughts, visuals and sounds so only appropriate desires arise.
My happiness depends on my desires and desperation to fulfill them. If
it depends on a person, event or materialistic goals then it is guaranteed that
I won’t end up happy.
Even after this life changing conversation I have found myself in
unhappy situations but at least I knew the cause and the resultant frustration
hardly appeared.
Everyone can be Happy – Terms and Conditioned applied.
