Death was inevitable after taking four rounds from Kalashnikov
directly on my chest. I never came to know who fired them and why, all I knew
in this moment of agony was that I was never going to be heard again.
When I started for my work I had some idea of the tension
prevailing in the city but had absolutely no clue that a riot has broken out just
across the block. I guess I was the first victim of the shoot at sight orders
given by the police.
I had tried my level best to scream my pains out into some
sensible ears, but guess the wise ones were astute enough to ignore it and the perpetrators
had no obligation. After lying here for few hours and losing all my strength I
came to terms with the reality that awaited me since my birth. There was no use
of blaming anyone now, nor was cursing the ones who never appeared for help
worth anything. Criticizing my own luck was also not a clever idea.
In this motionless
state as light was diminishing with every passing moment I realized that these
moments are going to provide me the final set of experience which I can ever have.
So what are my priorities if I am certain of a slow death in
a couple of hours?
My body cannot contribute
much now, it has served me well and I had stuffed it with all kinds of wanted
and unwanted matter. It was with me for all my adventures and full filled my appetite
for all sorts of journeys.
Lying there on the footpath in a pool of my own blood I
thanked my body for being there for me. When I tried to open my mouth I understood
that there is no more sound left to come out.
My voice which was my
last resort has also fared well with me. Whether I wanted to express love for
the first time or anger for the last time it has always been there. I do not
remember my first words but can never fully thank the last ones which came out
of my mouth today.
I gasped for air which was filled with smell of shattered bodies.
My breath which is
fast running out was also a loyal companion; it never rested for even a minute.
Whether it was the smell of spring or the aroma of delicious food from the
kitchen, it has always told me what to expect. Today in this mess it is very
much with me and perhaps going to be the last thing which will go with me.
I looked at the sky to see if there is any light remaining
to fill me with any kind of hope, after all what we see is what we believe.
My vision has
everything to do with my existence; a lot of my time was spent on making me
look better for external appreciations. If I attempt to calculate the number of
hours I have spent on it then I can extract a whole lifetime for myself.
My memories are perhaps the only measurable asset I have, I
am thankful to the relations who helped me build them. Shall I run through my
life one again?
I was saying good bye to whatever I had seen known and heard
in this lifetime. Childhood the most amazing feeling to be alive, I never
realized when it got over in the mist of adolescence. My uncertainty mixed with
my desires generated some overwhelming experiences of the adult world were
sometimes too much to digest. I still remember when that carefree world turned
into a sack of responsibilities which never got over.
I was glad that in these moments when I was sensing the
world for the very last time I had a smile on my face, because even though this
span has ended abruptly without warning a sense of regret was missing.
